Family Court’s Flawed Focus on Parental Rights Puts Children in Danger

Carrying more than just a suitcase, Ryan leaves behind a childhood marked by hardship, stepping toward hope and healing.

In the United States, roughly one in four children will experience some form of abuse or neglect before they turn 18, with emotional abuse being one of the most insidious and often overlooked forms of harm. According to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, children exposed to chronic emotional abuse are at risk for a range of mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). These children may also experience physical health problems, such as headaches, stomachaches, and sleep disturbances, as their bodies react to the constant stress they are under. Despite this, family courts across the country often fail to adequately address the impact of abuse on children, prioritizing parental rights over the psychological well-being of the child. This is a failure that can have devastating, long-term consequences.

Ryan, a 15-year-old boy, knows all too well the consequences of a system that has not put his needs first. His experience is emblematic of a growing concern within the legal system: children who are subjected to emotional abuse are often forced to maintain relationships with their abusers due to the flawed assumption that both parents have an equal right to custody, regardless of the harm a child may endure. For Ryan, the pain of this legal oversight is palpable.

Ryan’s memories of his father are not those of a loving protector or supportive figure, but rather those of a man who subjected him to emotional abuse and neglect. From a young age, Ryan witnessed his father’s verbal cruelty. The emotional scars left by these experiences have remained long after the verbal insults and physical threats ceased. As he reflects on his early years, Ryan recalls the constant feeling of fear that shadowed his every interaction with his father. “He would yell at me over the smallest things,” Ryan says, his voice trembling with the weight of the memories. “It didn’t matter what I did. He always made me feel like I was worthless.”

These feelings of worthlessness became deeply ingrained in Ryan’s psyche, laying the foundation for his ongoing battle with anxiety and depression. According to Dr. Elizabeth F. Loftus, a prominent psychologist specializing in trauma, children who experience chronic emotional abuse often develop a distorted sense of self, characterized by low self-esteem and an inability to trust others. Ryan’s experiences mirror this pattern. The emotional abuse he endured has left him with a fragile sense of self, struggling to find security in his relationships, including with his primary caregiver.

Ryan’s distress did not go unnoticed. His mother, concerned for his well-being, sought therapy for him in an attempt to help him navigate the overwhelming anxiety and emotional turmoil he was experiencing. Ryan has been undergoing psychosocial rehabilitation (PSR) along with trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (TF-CBT), a method designed to help children and adolescents process their traumatic experiences and develop healthier coping mechanisms. According to his therapist, Ryan is slowly beginning to confront the pain of his past, but the road to healing is long. “He’s making progress,” his therapist says, “but the trauma runs deep. It’s not something that can be healed overnight.”

The difficulty of Ryan’s healing process is compounded by the ongoing pressure he faces to maintain contact with his father. In a cruel twist of irony, family court decisions, which are intended to protect the interests of the child, have instead forced Ryan to endure further trauma. Despite the clear signs of distress Ryan exhibits whenever it is time for a visit with his father, stomachaches, headaches, and overwhelming anxiety, he is still required to maintain contact with him. In fact, Ryan’s rejection of his father has been dismissed by the courts as “parental alienation,” a term that, while sometimes applicable in certain cases, is frequently misused by abusive parents to dismiss a child’s legitimate fears as the result of manipulation.

During a PSR therapy session, Ryan finds healing in simple routines, baking his favorite pumpkin bread alongside his therapist.

In Ryan’s case, the term has been used to deflect attention away from the emotional abuse he endured, suggesting that his fear of his father is a product of his mother’s influence rather than the natural response of a child to an unsafe environment. But as Dr. Joan Meier, a professor of law and psychology, points out, the idea that children who resist a parent are simply being alienated is often a way for abusive parents to deflect responsibility for their actions. Children who are subjected to emotional or physical harm are not 'alienated'—they are trying to protect themselves.

Ryan’s trauma is not just psychological; it has physical manifestations as well. According to the American Psychological Association, children who experience chronic emotional stress can develop somatic symptoms, such as stomachaches, headaches, and fatigue. Ryan’s experience is a case in point. His body reacts to the stress of his father’s visits by exhibiting symptoms of distress, further complicating his emotional recovery. “I just feel sick every time I know I have to go see him,” Ryan confesses. “It’s like my body knows what’s coming, and I can’t control it.”

Ryan’s childhood was a harsh landscape of emotional manipulation and abuse, leaving deep, enduring scars. His father would give him dogs, only to cruelly take them away without warning, using the animals as pawns in a power struggle. When Ryan sought solace, he was belittled and ridiculed, called “weak” and even slurs like “faggot,” which only drove him further into solitude.

Mocha remains Ryan’s closest source of comfort, a steady presence through years of instability.

The household was also tainted by the pervasive presence of drug and alcohol abuse by the paternal grandmother, exposing Ryan and his sibling to these toxic behaviors on a daily basis. The emotional neglect and cruelty he endured created profound psychological wounds, which continue to surface in his therapy sessions. The trauma manifested physically, as Ryan began to pass out almost daily, his body succumbing to the relentless fear and strain. The fainting spells became a heartbreaking marker of the abuse he suffered, underscoring the severe toll it took on both his mental and physical health.

The family court system’s failure to prioritize Ryan’s well-being is indicative of a larger systemic issue that continues to plague children who are victims of abuse. In many cases, the focus remains on maintaining relationships with both parents, regardless of the harm that may be inflicted in the process. This is not an isolated issue; research indicates that children who are forced into contact with abusive parents are at a higher risk for long-term psychological distress. In Ryan’s case, his ongoing visits with his father only serve to reinforce the trauma he is trying to overcome, delaying his healing process.

The impact of legal abuse, where children are forced to maintain contact with an abusive parent, has been widely documented by experts in child psychology. Dr. Meier has conducted extensive research on the issue and argues that legal abuse is far more likely to occur than parental alienation in cases involving children who resist contact with an abusive parent. When courts fail to acknowledge the emotional toll of abuse, they inadvertently cause further harm to the child. In Ryan’s case, the failure to recognize the abuse he experienced and the insistence on enforcing visitation have only exacerbated his trauma.

This is a tragic reminder that the family court system must evolve to better protect children who are victims of abuse. While the legal system is designed to ensure fairness and equity between parents, it too often fails to prioritize the child’s best interests, particularly when those interests are at odds with the rights of the parents. In Ryan’s case, the failure to acknowledge the depth of his trauma has left him in a continuous state of emotional turmoil, unable to heal as he should.

For Ryan, the road to recovery remains uncertain. Despite his progress in therapy, the ongoing legal battle and forced visits with his father continue to impede his healing. Each visit is a reminder of the abuse he endured, a reminder that the legal system has, in many ways, failed him. “I just want to be able to live my life without this hanging over me,” Ryan says quietly. “But it feels like it’s always there, always coming back to haunt me.”

After months of isolation, Ryan steps back into the world, finding calm in simple moments with a basketball in hand and the open air around him.

Ryan’s story is not unique. It is a reflection of a larger systemic problem that continues to affect countless children across the country. Until the family court system recognizes the psychological toll of abuse and prioritizes the well-being of children over parental rights, children like Ryan will continue to suffer in silence. The failure to protect children from emotional harm is a failure of the legal system, one that demands urgent reform.

Children who are victims of abuse should not be forced into situations that retraumatize them, and family courts must take a more nuanced and compassionate approach when evaluating cases involving abusive parents. Ryan’s story is a powerful reminder that the system must change, and it must change now. The stakes are too high, and the cost of inaction is too great.