Coercive Parents Target Exes Financially and Emotionally

In family court, the battles that reach the headlines often feature dramatic arguments over custody or visitation. But a more insidious form of abuse often goes unnoticed: the use of the legal system itself as a weapon. Some parents, rather than physically threatening their former partners, exploit court procedures to financially and emotionally drain them, prolong conflict, and maintain control. Researchers Ellen Gutowski and Lisa Goodman have identified this as “legal abuse,” measured through their Legal Abuse Scale, which focuses on two main targets: the survivor’s identity and role as a parent, and their financial security (Gutowski & Goodman, 2022). These tactics transform routine proceedings into a relentless campaign of coercion.

In an earlier report, it was explored how children’s refusal to visit a parent after divorce often reflects family violence rather than parental manipulation. That investigation underscored the need for careful screening to separate estrangement from alienation. This story takes a different angle: it examines how some parents exploit the legal system to inflict lasting financial and emotional harm on their ex-partners, using custody disputes and court procedures as tools of coercive abuse. From hidden debts and inflated legal fees to relentless court motions, these tactics leave survivors trapped in a cycle of intimidation that extends far beyond the courtroom.

Indicators of financial abuse.

Stay-at-home mothers without their own income often face harsh judgment for remaining in abusive or controlling relationships, with critics asking why they “don’t just leave.” Yet for many, leaving is not a simple choice; it requires resources they do not have. Without personal savings, stable employment, or access to affordable childcare, these mothers may find themselves trapped, financially dependent on the very partner who exerts control. This economic vulnerability exacerbates the impact of legal abuse: parents with control over finances can weaponize court proceedings to prolong conflict, drain resources, and maintain dominance, leaving survivors with few avenues to escape or protect themselves.

This pattern is often misunderstood. When a child resists contact with one parent, the assumption may be parental alienation. Yet Daniel Saunders and Kathleen Faller argue that in many cases, children are reacting to legitimate threats or witnessing abuse, not manipulation (Saunders & Faller, 2016). In situations where legal abuse is part of a larger strategy of control, what appears on paper as a high-conflict custody dispute can mask a deliberate effort to destabilize a former partner. Excessive motions, delayed hearings, and contested support obligations are not simply procedural tools; they become instruments of coercion.

Exploring the Connection: High Legal Fees and Potential for Legal Abuse - An Infographic Analysis.

The impact extends beyond bank accounts and court calendars. Gutowski and Goodman report that persistent legal harassment undermines survivors’ mental health and confidence in their parenting (2022). Saunders and Faller highlight that family violence often remains hidden because survivors fear retaliation or legal repercussions (2016). Courts untrained in detecting these subtler abuses risk misinterpreting protective behavior as alienation, sometimes granting rights to the very parent perpetuating harm.

The consequences ripple through daily life. Legal abuse forces survivors to spend savings on attorneys, while children endure instability from drawn-out disputes. Emotional strain from ongoing harassment can erode well-being and disrupt co-parenting. Both studies emphasize that specialized training in family courts is essential for recognizing financial and emotional coercion, distinguishing legal abuse from true alienation, and protecting children and survivors (Gutowski & Goodman, 2022; Saunders & Faller, 2016).

Addressing legal abuse requires more than vigilance; it demands a structured assessment. Tools like the Legal Abuse Scale allow courts and evaluators to systematically identify coercive patterns and respond appropriately. By understanding how some parents manipulate family law to maintain control, rather than assuming all disputes are rooted in alienation, courts can prevent a subtle form of harm that leaves families financially depleted, emotionally strained, and trapped in a cycle of legal conflict.